You'll Never Go
by shadyvak
Summary: Eli's been at NYU for four months, and Clare feels rejected and lonely. After a dream about him, she realizes it'll take a lot more than time to get over her first love. But will it be possible when he keeps popping up in Clare's life? THREE-SHOT.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Eli's been at NYU for four months, and Clare feels rejected and lonely. After a dream about him, she realizes it'll take a lot more than time to get over her first love. But will it be possible when he keeps popping up in Clare's life? Eclare/Cladam**

**So, this is going to be a three-shot. HAVE FAITH ECLARIVISTS. I love them too (: And sorry I haven't written a story in a while. Now that field hockey season's over, I'll have more time to write!**_  
_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, or the song this is named after by Wake Owl, even though both of these are quite awesome.**

* * *

_**You'll Never Go**  
_

_"Eli…Eli, answer me!" She screamed, suddenly finding herself in the passenger seat of the hearse. Tears running down her face, she reached out for Eli's cheek, but her hand found nothing. Her delicate fingers frantically searched for his hand with no results. Clare realized that he was only a hallucination, and in a split second…everything around her exploded, the hearse smashing into a thousand different pieces. She tried to grab them all, but not one stayed in her grasp. She managed to whisper a barely audible "Eli…" before it was swept up with the destruction._

"NO!" I shouted in panic, waking suddenly from the disturbing dream. I looked around at the dark pink walls of my familiar bedroom, orienting myself. I cautiously wiped the wetness from my cheeks, from both tears and sweat. I took a deep breath, relishing the feeling of the soft comforter against my skin, trying to erase the images that had filled my mind moments before.

I had spent _months_ trying to erase all images of Eli from my brain, but every time I thought I had gotten rid of him, BAM. He would make an award-winning appearance in my subconscious.

I let my head fall back onto the pillow with a sigh and wondered what Eli could be doing this very second at NYU. As much as I liked to think he was dreaming about me too, counting down the days until he could see me again, hold me again, whisper sweet nothings as he would nibble on my ear again, kiss me like no one ever could again…I didn't want to kid myself. He was probably off doing things I did not want to think about. I had about a hundred questions I was dying to ask him but probably never would. I had the basic ones: _Is NYU all you thought it would be? Are you and your roommate getting along? Does the food compare to Cece's home-cooked experiments? _I had the protective ones: _Are you taking your meds as much as you need? Are you doing okay with throwing things out? _And the, well, self-interested ones: _Have you been drinking a lot? Going to parties? How many girls have you hooked up with?_

It pained me to think of the last one. How could he give other girls the same looks he gave me, intertwine his fingers with someone else? Of course, I had been too upset to take interest in any other guys in his absence. I was still in love with Eli; my heart felt hollow without him. But, he was most likely not being a complete monk.

It was in the airport the day he left for NYU that we broke up, and we both still loved each other. We were still _in love. _

"Clare, you're my soulmate. We'll find each other again, I promise."

"I'll miss you every day you're gone."

"Me, too." He took my face with both of his hands and stared into my eyes, giving me the most loving look I had ever seen. "I love you," he whispered.

"Forever and always, right?" My already shaky voice cracked on the last word.

We shared our last kiss, filled with love and happiness and sadness and longing and nostalgia. He traced his hand down my face, lightly down my arms to my fingers, sending chills everywhere.

As he turned to go, I stopped him. "I'll, uh, see you around?"

"Guess you will." And he went. Just like that. I hadn't spoken to him since.

Now, the first day of winter break four months later, I woke up crying over a dream about him. I checked my phone for the time, pleasantly surprised to see a text from Adam. **Adam: Bakers are going to Florida for break. I'm bored to tears. Come over? Please?**

**Me: Sure. I'll be over in ten. **

**Adam: You'd be my favorite person ever if you brought me a bagel and hot chocolate from that new bagel place!**

**Me: Alright mooch, make that twenty.**

**Adam: I knew there was a reason we're friends!**

I got out of bed, smiling to myself. Goosebumps covering my arms from the loss of my favorite blanket, I sighed and ran my fingers through my frizzy curls. After putting my hair in a messy bun and throwing on a pair of comfy sweats and a Degrassi Drama t-shirt, I told my mother I was going out, but she was preoccupied with making Glen's coffee. She was always preoccupied nowadays.

I grabbed my jacket and stepped out of the house, shivering from the December chill. It made me miss having Eli's arms wrapped around me to keep me warm, or his kisses to distract me from the wintery cold. _Stop thinking about him, Clare_, I told myself. _You're only making it worse_. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't stop. Every little detail reminded me of him; the other day, Jenna showed me her guitar pick collection and I started tearing up thinking about playing with Eli's guitar pick necklace during a make-out. I was starting to accept the fact that part of me would probably never get over Eli, but I needed to move on.

After making a few wrong turns, I pulled up to the tiny bagel shop, frowning at its name: Cece's Bagels. Was Adam _trying_ to torture me? One of the parts I missed most about my relationship with Eli was Cece and Bullfrog. They had always been a kind of surrogate pair of parents to me; even more so than Glen, and especially more so than my own father. Seeing "Cece" painted in bright red letters across the shop made me tear up a bit. _What is with you today, Clare? Get yourself together! _

Opening the shop door, a tinkling bell rang to signal my presence to a seemingly empty room of scattered tables and chairs and a stuffed, worn bookshelf. A chubby, soft-featured woman, probably in her late sixties, came out of the back and flashed me a smile. "What can I get for you today, dear?" Her voice was oddly comforting, and it made me want to sit down with her and talk for hours.  
"I'll take two hot chocolates, an everything bagel, and a cinnamon raisin please," I ordered.

"Sure thing, sweetie pie. That'll be $6.49." I handed her the money, and I could feel her eyes taking me in. "You have the prettiest blue eyes. The boys at school must be fighting over you!" She chuckled, and it was the most contagious laugh anyone could ever hear. I could feel my cheeks turning red.

"Thanks, but my dating life is rather…nonexistent."

She raised her eyebrows, sensing there was more. Her emerald eyes lit up, and I couldn't help but think of Eli's. Something about the woman made me want to tell her everything, take comfort in her.

"Pretty and modest! You can sit down if you like, I'll have your order out in a second, pumpkin."

I sat in a beanbag chair in the corner of the room and scanned the bookshelf for anything good, when I stumbled on Chuck Palahniuk's _Fight Club_. Did the universe have it out for me today? First the dream, then the shop name, then the woman's eyes, then the book Eli and I read on our first date; I had to get out of there.

"Your order's ready!" The woman called, and I bolted to the counter. "You've got to come back again. What's your name, sweetheart?"

"I'm Clare. I'm guessing you're Cece?"

"You guessed right. Hope to see you again soon, Clare!"

* * *

Once I parked next to Adam's house, I felt so much better. I could finally forget about all the Eli reminders I had suffered through today. I knocked on the front door, and Audra sent me to the basement, where Adam was- no surprise- playing some video game involving zombies and guns.

He heard me coming down the stairs and turned, a huge smile on his face. He was one of the few people who still genuinely smiled whenever he saw me. I loved him for that. "One everything bagel and a steaming hot chocolate, just like you wanted," I remarked, giving him the brown paper bag.

"Yes! I've been craving this all morning. Thanks, Clare. You're the best," he said, taking the bag from me and digging in. "So, what's new in the life of Ms. Clare Edwards?"

I rolled my eyes but took the bait. "I had a dream about Eli last night."

He looked taken aback. "Oh, I thought you were over him?"

"I don't know what to think. Has he talked to you at all lately?"

"Not much. We skyped two weeks ago, but only for about ten minutes and we didn't really talk about anything, just superficial stuff. 'How are your classes? Is the food good?' That kind of stuff."

"Did he ask about…me?" I chanced. I knew Adam tried to stay in neutral territory when it came to us, but there were things that I just had to know.

He sighed. "He always asks about you."

I didn't know what to think about that statement, but I couldn't hold in my tears any longer. I scooted closer to Adam on the couch and he put his arm around me, not saying anything, just doing what I needed him to do.

"Adam…I miss him. I miss him so, so much," I said through the sobs as I cried into his shirt.

"Shh, Clare. I know it's hard. Becky's been down in Florida for only two days and I miss her like crazy. Who knows what shit they're filling her innocent mind wi-" I took his face in my hands and I cut him off with a kiss. He pulled away, shocked, and I instantly missed the feeling of his soft lips.

"Clare! _What_ are you doing?"

"We're both sad, Adam. Why can't we both comfort each other? It doesn't have to mean anything, I promise. Please?" I was practically begging for any kind of human comfort at this point; four months of sulking over Eli had taken its toll. He looked into my eyes, but his expression was unreadable. He tentatively touched my cheek, and though his touch felt different from Eli's, it still felt good.

He shook his head, and quickly pulled his hand away. "Clare, no. This is wrong."

"Adam, we're just friends. No one has to know."

"You promise?" he asked, and I smiled, nodding. He leaned in, pushing me back on the couch, and our lips collided. Kissing Adam was completely different from anything I had ever experienced. It was playful, and his soft, careful lips contrasted with Eli's rough, dominating ones. His hand slipped down to caress the side of my breast, and a tingling sensation ran through my body. "I have to admit," Adam whispered between kisses, "I've always wanted to see these." I pulled back, shyly smiling at him as I pulled the black fabric over my head. "Wow, Clare," he gasped, eyes fixated on my bra. I fought the urge to cover my chest with my arms.

As he was about to lean in again, his phone started buzzing. He shot me an apologetic look but I told him to answer it. I secretly felt relieved when I put my shirt back on as Adam answered his phone. We shouldn't have gone that far, and I mentally cursed myself for suggesting that. Not like it didn't feel good, but…it was just wrong in so many ways.

"Hello?" Adam sounded annoyed. "Oh…hi. Oh, really? That's…that's great." He looked at me nervously. "Um, yeah. She's actually…here right now. Okay, see you soon."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Who was that?"

"Eli's back for winter break, he wants to see you, and he's standing at my front door right now."

**Thanks for reading! Review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate every one of them! This is Chapter 2 of 3. **

**Tumblr: plaidcladmartin**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any other references. **

_**You'll Never Go, Chapter Two**_

_"Eli's back for winter break, he wants to see you, and he's standing at my front door right now."_ Adam's words ran through my head on repeat as I tried to process them. Eli was back? And he _wanted_ to see me? Did I even want to see him? I chanced a glance at Adam, who looked as confused as I felt. What were we thinking, hooking up?

"What are we going to do?" I asked him.

"We aren't going to say anything. That little…interaction…is going in the vault. Right?" I realized he was thinking about the exchange we had a few minutes ago, but my mind was on more important things. How was I supposed to act towards Eli? There was no way I could hide my feelings for him, but I would have to try.

"Yeah, of course. But, what am _I _supposed to do?"

"Well, think fast, I'm going to let him in now, before he gets suspicious."

_Shit! _What if he was completely over me? What if he had a new girlfriend? What if he only came to talk to me about how he would never fall for me again-

"Clare."

I turned around, bracing myself for the worst. My stomach was already in knots, and I almost passed out when I finally looked at him face-on. Our eyes met, and I didn't know it was possible to experience so many emotions at once. He flashed me his signature smirk, and I had to look away. For some reason, I had expected him to change so much after leaving Toronto, but it was even stranger to see him completely the same. He was even wearing his damn Dead Hand t-shirt and that guitar pick necklace, sporting the exact same haircut he had when he left. It was the same Eli that I had loved. How could he do this to me?

He jumped over the couch, landing on the cushion next to mine. He still _smelled_ like the old Eli.

"It's so good to see you, Clare," Eli said, and I didn't know what to make of it. Part of me wanted to jump on top of him, and part of me wanted to smack him senseless. Instead, I just sat there, contemplating what to say. I could feel his eyes on me, waiting for my reaction.

"You couldn't have at least gotten a different haircut?" I asked, and I could tell it wasn't exactly the response he was looking for.

He crossed his arms over his chest, smiling to himself. Ugh. He was _entertained._ "Excuse me, Edwards?"

"Everything about you is exactly the same. I thought you would have made at least a _few _changes."

"Well, I think I remember you liking me like this. Besides, why would I tamper with perfection?" He smirked, and I hit his chest, harder than I should have. It felt good, though; I missed his touch and I was fighting the urge to hit him again.

"Where's Adam?"

"He's upstairs, he said he'd give us a few minutes alone," he replied. I cringed at the thought of Eli finding out about what had happened on this couch just a few moments ago.

"Eli, why are you here?" I asked, locking eyes with him for the second time. I turned my body to face him, and I desperately wanted to feel his lips on mine again, but I knew I had to restrain myself. I did not want to get hurt again.

"Winter break; I'll be here for a whole month."

"No, Eli, why are you _here_?"

He looked down for a second before meeting my gaze with an intensity I could only expect from him. He took my hand and began to rub the back in circles with his thumb; I could sense a shift into dangerous territory.

"I miss you, Clare; I miss you so, so much. I tried getting over you, but-"

"Stop." I couldn't take this; I didn't know how to handle him right now. I had spent four months trying to get over him, and _now_ he wanted to confess his feelings? "I'm sorry Eli, I have to go."

I got up to leave, but Eli stood up with me, grabbing my hand. "Clare, please! There's so much we need to talk through." He cupped my cheek with his free hand, and it almost convinced me to stay.

"I just need to get some air, process things," I said, and he reluctantly let go.

* * *

With Alli at MIT, Adam out of the question, and Jake…well, Jake, I didn't know who I should talk to about this. But on my drive home, I passed Cece's Bagels, and decided I could vent to the old woman herself. The shop was empty again, save for a middle-aged guy absorbed in a crossword.

"Clare! Back so soon!" Cece exclaimed, and my barrier came crashing down. I let out a small whimper as a tear fell. "Oh, baby, don't cry! Why don't you have a seat, I'll make you a hot chocolate on the house, and you can tell me everything."

I nodded, so thankful for her kindness. After I got myself together, Cece sat down, pushing the steaming hot beverage in my direction. I thanked her with a smile.

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Is it a boy?" She gave me a knowing look.

"It is. My boyfriend- or, ex-boyfriend- and I broke up four months ago when he went off to college. It wasn't like it was a messy break-up; we agreed the distance would be impossible. But I've spent all of that time trying to get over him. Now, he shows up without any warning, telling me that he misses me. What am I supposed to do?"

"Do you love him?"

I took a sip of my hot chocolate as I thought about the answer to that. Did I love him? I gave him everything. "I know I could love him again."

"It's a yes or no question, sweetie. Do you love him now?"

With little hesitation, I answered, "yes."  
"Then it's simple. You can make the distance work."

"But how can I avoid getting hurt again?"

Cece laughed. "You avoid getting hurt by not thinking about what will happen if you do."

I sighed. "It's more complicated than that. I can't just…not worry."

"Love is only complicated when you use your brain and not your heart," she told me with a smile. I took another sip of hot cocoa, pondering her statement, and being the clumsy person I am, I spilled some on my t-shirt.

"Sorry, I'm just a mess today," I told Cece with a laugh.

"Why don't you go in the back and clean yourself up."

After wiping the chocolate stain out of my shirt, I turned the corner to see the person I wanted to see least- Eli. He was hugging Cece, and she was smiling wider than I would have thought possible. Hiding behind the counter, I listened in on their conversation.

"Grandma, this place looks amazing." _Grandma?_

"Thanks, Elijah. I needed to find something to do with my time now that Grandpa's passed," Cece said with a hint of sadness in her voice, and I instantly felt terribly. Eli's grandfather had passed away during these four months, and I wasn't there to comfort him. I popped up from behind the counter.

"Clare?" Eli exclaimed.

Cece looked between Eli and me, immediately sensing the connection. "Clare, is my grandson the boy we were just talking about?"

My cheeks blushed like mad, and I tentatively looked at Eli. "Yeah, he is."

"Talking about me _again_, Edwards?"

Cece just gave me a knowing smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it's taken me so long to update! Thanks for the reviews, I appreciate every one of them. Here's the last chapter!**

**Tumblr: plaidcladmartin**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.**

**_You'll Never Go Chapter 3_**

"So, I take it you two have met," Eli stated, glancing back and forth between Cece and me, one eyebrow cocked. Looking at grandma and grandson standing next to each other, I realized I should have known Cece was related to Eli; the intense but passionate and loving emerald eyes, the crooked smile, her excited but focused demeanor, her _name._ It all made sense. Eli had once told me Cece was named after his Grandma, Cecelia. I mentally slapped myself for not recognizing it right away.

"This morning, actually. She's quite a sweet girl, Elijah," Cece told Eli, whose eyes turned to make contact with mine once again. I felt my heart skip a beat, but tried hard not to show it. Cece nudged him and stage-whispered, "You'd be a complete dumbass to let this one go." I couldn't help but burst out into laughter at her…candidness.

"You're right, Grandma. I _am _a dumbass." Eli took the few steps between us and grabbed my hand, sending chills up my arm.

"I'm gonna go…make a new batch of muffins," Cece uttered before scurrying back to the kitchen. Eli and I both chuckled, savoring the sound of each other's laughter for the first time in months. God, I missed his laugh so much. We were finally alone; a guy who had been in the shop earlier took off at the sight of Eli.

"I'm sorry Eli, I'm just scared," I muttered, looking down at the speckles on the tile floor.

"Of what, Clare?"

"The distance, mostly. I'm scared you'll move on if I'm not there with you. I'm scared of the way you affect me." Eli lifted my chin to face him, forcing me to look at his impaling pupils.

"I spent four months all the way in New York with no communication with you, missing you like crazy. Clare, I haven't moved on, and I'm starting to think I'll never be able to." He cupped my cheek in his hand, and our lips were unbearably close to touching. The feeling of his breath brushing my face again warmed me from the inside.

"Do you really think this will work?"

"Like you said, forever and always," he whispered, leaning in dangerously close. My mind fogged up, and I couldn't think of an eloquent response, so I closed the small gap between our lips. The feeling of our lips reuniting felt even better than I had imagined. The kiss started off incredibly gentle, reminiscent of our kiss at the Frostival, but soon evolved into something more passionate and hungry when Eli slipped his tongue between my parted lips. I began to pull away, but Eli grabbed my waist, pulling me closer, our bodies flesh against each other. I reached up and relished the feeling of running my fingers through his thick, raven hair, when his words finally began to register.

I pulled away hastily. "I said 'forever and always' last year and then you left. It would just be naïve to let you trick me into believing you just to break my heart _again._"

His face fell; he looked genuinely hurt. I desperately wanted to reach out and continue what we started, but I couldn't do that to myself. I had to stay strong. "Clare, I…"

"Save it. This was a bad idea." I turned away from him, unable to look him in the eye. I knew I had to get out of there or I would take him back in my arms in an instant. Opening the bagel shop's door, the seemingly friendly tinkle of the bell turned into a jarring sound. A thousand emotions hit me at once, and the words slipped out before I could stop them. "Oh, and I just thought you should know, Adam and I hooked up minutes before you came to his house." And with that, I slammed the door shut to an absolutely heartbroken Eli.

This next wave of tears hit me like a monsoon, clouding my vision and overwhelming my entire body. _You're such a cold-hearted bitch, Clare. Now you'll never get him back! _I kept telling myself. Miraculously, I managed to drive home and land in a puddle of tears on my bed within a matter of minutes.

* * *

I had finally cooled down by the time I heard a knock on my bedroom door an hour later. Hesitantly getting up, I opened the door to find Jake with a tub of Ben & Jerry's half-baked. His visit took me by surprise; he must have come back home from Ryerson for winter break. "Wow, you look great," Jake said with a smirk, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Before I could refute, he shoved the tub of ice cream into my hands. "It's for you, sis. These walls aren't exactly sound-proof." He tapped against the doorframe for emphasis. "Can I sit?"

I gestured for him to come in. "Sure. So I take it you're back for winter break? How's Ryerson?"

"It's great, but before we get into that, I wanna know why my little stepsister's been crying." He crossed his arms across his chest and handed me a spoon for the ice cream, which I gladly took. I ate a greedy bite before answering.

"You're not the only one who came back for winter break," I said, mouth stuffed with ice cream.

Jake nodded understandingly. "So, he's with someone new, or-?"

I cut him off, cringing at the thought. "He wants to get back together. We kissed, but then I said it was a bad idea, and then I told him Adam and I-"

Jake flailed his hands around, signaling for me to stop my story. "Why would getting back with Eli be such a bad idea? I mean, I can say from personal experience that when you're not over Eli, it's obvious. No matter how many stepbrothers you try to bang." He laughed at his own joke, and I gave him a death glare before a feeble punch.

"That's beside the point."

"Then what _is_ the point, Clare? You still love him, so be with him. It's simple. You don't need to go making a big, dramatic deal about 'getting hurt' or whatever. Sometimes you've just gotta take a risk."

I couldn't help but think Jake was right. Cece's words from earlier echoed in my head, "_You avoid getting hurt by not thinking about what will happen if you do_."

"As much as I hate to admit it, I think you might have a point. Thanks, Jakey," I teased as I got up from the bed. "You have to tell me everything about Ryerson later!"

I sprinted to the car, praying that Eli would still be at his grandmother's shop. Thankfully, he was. He was calmly chewing on a chocolate chip cookie, reading _Fight Club_ on the beanbag chair I had sat in that morning, when the bell rang to signal that I had come inside.

"Clare." His broken green eyes met mine, and his stare shattered me. I ran over to the corner where he was sitting, grabbing his hand to pull him up, but he used it to pull me down on top of him.

I let out a gasp as I realized I was now straddling him in public. Eyeing our compromising position, Eli wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and I was happy he had regained his good mood since I stormed out of Cece's. I leaped up off of the beanbag chair, pulling Eli with me. "Look, I'm so sorry about what happened earlier, with me walking out, with Adam-"

"Clare, I understand. We weren't even together. Did it hurt me to hear that? Yes. Does it matter now that you're here? Definitely not," Eli assured, brushing one of my curls aside. I immediately felt a huge sense of relief.

"I _want_ to be with you," I told him.

"You have no idea."

Our lips collided hungrily, tongues fighting for dominance. My hands desperately wanted to explore his body again, but the setting wasn't exactly appropriate.

"Kids! Not like I'm against this but you're driving away my business!" Cecelia shouted from across the room, drawing all attention on Eli and me. My cheeks flamed.

Eli leaned over to whisper, "Want to take this somewhere private?" His voice sent chills up my spine. Not able to form words, I nodded and tugged Eli out of the shop. "Meet you at my house?"

"Sounds good to me." Without paying much attention, we sped towards Eli's empty house, and I couldn't help but wonder why he had always come over to my house last year. His house, parents, and general environment were much more open to us fooling around.

After Eli fumbled with the keys, we bolted up to his now unused room. He threw me up against the wall and our lips moved in tandem. I pulled him by his Dead Hand t-shirt over to the bed and we landed not-so-gracefully in a pile of limbs. "Nice one, Edwards," he mumbled as his lips moved to my neck, inciting a moan from me. I could feel him smiling against my neck but my lips wanted to feel his again, so I grabbed his cheeks and pulled his mouth onto mine. Our hands were rapidly moving over each other's bodies, and soon both of our shirts came off. I didn't know where this was going, but as soon as Eli reached around to unclasp my bra, there was a loud knock at the bedroom door.

"Eli? It's Bullfrog!" We both looked at each other, lust still clouding our eyes, chests still heaving from the intensity of just being with each other, I clumsily threw my shirt on as the door opened.

"Bullfrog!" Eli yelled. At the sight of me, Bullfrog's eyes widened and I think it was all too clear what we had been doing.

"Uh, hello there Clarabelle!" Bullfrog grunted. "Well, Cece and I have been really anxious to see you Eli, come on downstairs…when you're ready."

Eli and I looked at each other and fell down on the bed laughing. "So what happens next?" I asked him.

"We finish what we started?" Eli suggested, but I rolled my eyes.

"I mean, what happens _next_."

"I don't exactly know, but whatever we do, it'll be together, right?"

"Right."

There was a little bit of an awkward silence, and I really wanted to tell him I loved him, but it was too soon still.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go see your parents," I prompted, and Eli gave me a small smile.

And that smile made me confident that forever and always wouldn't even be enough time for us. We could survive the distance. We could survive anything.

**The end. Review?**


End file.
